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26 Funny Cruise Shirts Guaranteed to Embarrass Your Spouse

26 Funny Cruise Shirts Guaranteed to Embarrass Your Spouse

Jeremy CamosseApr 6 2022Travel
 
 

These are the funniest cruise shirts we've ever seen.

They're guaranteed to get some laughs on and off the ship. We encourage you to purchase these without your spouse's consent. Wait until you're about to board the ship to slip it on. Then take a photo of your spouse's face. Then make that photo a shirt.

We often seek the newest and most effective cruise hacks. You might be surprised to learn that "wearing funny cruise shirts" is on the top of our list of cruise tips & hacks. The ultra-pro move is to wear it on Day 1 of your sailing.

 
Funny Cruise Shirts Have ConsequencesWARNING: Don't wear a funny cruise shirt if you don't like humans... or if you're in the Witness Protection Program. These t-shirts will get attention and will serve as an invitation for your shipmates to open up conversations.
 

The underlying reason for this might not be obvious. Yes, you will get plenty of smiles and laughs from your fellow passengers. More importantly, however, you will kickstart your cruise attitude.

It takes a bit of "pump priming" to get into social cruise mode. For us at least. Funny cruise shirts do just that. They create smiles and conversation openers. You have to be social while wearing one of these below. This snowballs into Day 2 and throughout your cruise. By Day 7, you'll have more shipmates than you can "muster."

26 FUNNY CRUISE SHIRTS

 
#26 Boat Snack Funny Tshirt

Do you have kids? Have your kids made you watch Moana 134 times? When the movie isn't playing, is the soundtrack blasting from Alexa? We guarantee that your kids will think this is the funniest cruise shirt they've ever seen. PSA... this one won't 'fly' for formal night.

#26 Boat Snack Funny Tshirt
on Amazon
 

 
#25 Bon Voyage Shirt

Bon Voyage.' Say it... those words feel so good coming out of your mouth. Why? They signify the very start of an amazing week. This shirt captures that exact feeling. This makes for a great shirt on Day 1 of your sailing. But, it serves equally well when pushing off from any port.

#25 Bon Voyage Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#24 Buffet Inspector Tee

This quasi-official job does come with benefits. However, a 401k is not one of them. This funny cruise shirt should only be worn by those dedicated to service. And by 'service,' we mean 'servings.' Many will be needed. Only the dedicated need apply.

#24 Buffet Inspector Tee
on Amazon
 

 
#23 Cruise Heartbeat Shirt

Love cruising? This is a 'must have' for the ultimate cruise fans out there. If you feel like cruising is truly a part of your life, show it off with this 'Cruise Heartbeat' tee. You're guaranteed to get some smiles from some other hardcore cruise fanatics.

#23 Cruise Heartbeat Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#22 Cruise Mode Shirt

Don't ask me to make you breakfast. Don't ask me to put down the toilet seat. Don't ask me for help with the groceries. Do not ask me to finish my expense report by 4pm. Do not ask me if I paid the water bill. And don't even think about asking me to do the dishes. Why? Because I'm in CRUISE MODE. Did you not see my shirt?

#22 Cruise Mode Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#21 Cruizilla T-Shirt

Some cruisers like to keep to themselves. They'll curl up in a lounge chair with a cold drink and mind their own. Then there's the cruizilla characters. You know who we're talking about. Check the karaoke stage or the belly flop arena to spot yours. Love him or hate him... he needs this shirt.

#21 Cruizilla T-Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#20 Had Both Shots Shirt

Too soon? Nope, not at all. This wins the 'most topical award' in our list of funniest cruise shirts. Although, it may need to be updated from 'both' to 'all four.' Is it still four? Or are we on five yet?

#20 Had Both Shots Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#19 Hola Beaches Tank

You don't need to speak Spanish to understand this funny cruise shirt. We want to let our shipmates know that we're here for a good time. And that we like to have fun. Don't be surprised if this funny cruise shirt results in at least 12 'holas' throughout your cruise. Please do not scroll any further without saying it aloud.

#19 Hola Beaches Tank
on Amazon
 

 
#18 I Like Big Boats Shirt

Sir Mix-a-lot is regarded as one of our nation's most prolific artists. His music spans generations and has impacted us all. Albeit, some deeper than others. These funny cruise shirts should only be adorned by Mr. A-Lot's most sincere followers. It will be easy to spot the others on your ship by their heartfelt reactions.

#18 I Like Big Boats Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#17 I'm Salty Funny Cruise Tee

Angry Sid the Sailor is a bit out of sorts. Why's that you ask? Well, he works down by the wharf slinging sea-bass around all day. he watches the cruise ships come in and out of port. The passengers getting on and off the ship are are smiling from ear-to-ear and smell like coconut butter. Sid, however, has a pout from shoulder to shoulder and smells like a Red Lobster, dumpster-fire. This is your chance to give Sid the taste of the good life. Do the right thing... for Sid.

#17 I'm Salty Funny Cruise Tee
on Amazon
 

 
#16 I'm Your Captain Now Shirt

While it's likely this cruise t-shirt won't get you into the Bridge, it could assert your domination over most other parts of the ship. When wearing this, you'll notice that your bartender serves colder ice, comedian tells funnier jokes, and piano-man hits higher notes. Even inanimate objects extend a greater level of respect... towel animals are fluffier, elevators show up quicker and ice sculptures melt slower. You are the captain now and this is your shirt.

#16 I'm Your Captain Now Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#15 Instant Pirate Cruise Shirt

Do you have a little or a lot of 'pirate' in you? There are two ways to tell. The first is to take a 23andMe test. The second (and more fun) way is to add a bit of rum. This is particularly accurate when done on a ship. This cruise shirt could help to move the neede.

#15 Instant Pirate Cruise Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#14 Living Life Cruise Shirt

At the end of the year, what do you remember about the past 365 days? Is it the trip to Hyundai to get your Elantra serviced? Or maybe the unseasonably warm stretch you had in February. Possibly the $5 footlong special featuring your fav? No, hopefully none of these. But, you will absolutely remember that 7 Day Western Caribbean Cruise.

#14 Living Life Cruise Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#13 Muster Drill Funny Crusie Shirt

Picture this... you're taking your family for a well-needed cruise vacation. Halfway to the airport you realize you forgot your toothbrush. Then your flight is delayed. You sprint to catch your connection and trip over your daughters ladybug suitcase and sprain your shuffleboard wrist. You're profusely sweating while squeezing into the middle seat between two linemen-looking gentlemen. Embarkation feels like Penn Station. You finally board, get settled and make your way up to the Lido Bar. Just as the bartender looks over, you hear the 'bing bong' noise followed by instructions to report to your muster station. You need a shirt for that feeling. This is that shirt.

#13 Muster Drill Funny Crusie Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#12 Shady Beach Shirt

A shady beach is about as useful as a solar-powered foghorn. You see... a foghorn would only be needed when there's fog. And when there's fog, there's no sun. A shady beach is also as useful as a joke that you have to explain.

#12 Shady Beach Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#11 Resting Beach Face Shirt

An object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. These outside forces include sun, sand, calypso music and margaritas. The impact that these can have on an otherwise terrible face is miraculous. This funny cruise shirt lets others know that this is the best your face gets.

#11 Resting Beach Face Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#10 Cruise Retirement Shirt

You've put in the time. You've earned this. Don't bother packing your favorite office mug. Forget the ficus. Your chair mat is fused with the floor. Bid farewell to the cubicle and proceed directly to your departure port. Theres a reason that people say that they're planning to 'sail off into the sunset.'

#10 Cruise Retirement Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#9 Spirit Animal Shirt

Rubber duckies have become a viral cruise sensation. We don't know why or how. Nor do we care. There are even 'cruise duck' facebook pages with tens of thousands of followers! Everyone loves a rubber duckie. They just float there, looking cute all day. If you know someone that does the same, they deserve this funny cruise shirt.

#9 Spirit Animal Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#8 Sea Day T-Shirt

We love the simplicity of a cruise. You don't need to venture farther than a few hundred feet for anything. This is especially true on Sea Days. There's no getting off of the ship. No idea (nor care) what time it is. And it's perfectly legitimate to nap more than once per day.

#8 Sea Day T-Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#7 Take Me To Your Lido Shirt

It's near impossible to look at this 'Take Me To Your Lido' shirt and not think of a specific uncle. Hint... it's the one that had too many Coors Lights to finish his 3D Death Star Lego set.

#7 Take Me To Your Lido Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#6 Thlassophile Shirt

Have you been diagnosed with Thalassophilia? How many days has it been since your last cruise? This funny cruise shirt makes for a great gift for the thalassophile in your life. Remember... the first step is acceptance.

#6 Thlassophile Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#5 This is my Cruise Shirt

For our fashion-challenged and literal friends, we have this funniest of cruise shirts. We're not trying to win a Pulitzer here. Just hoping to cover our pale belly and to get the party started. Let us know if you'll also need a 'This is my Cruise Port' shirt. I'm sure we can make that happen.

#5 This is my Cruise Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#4 Cruise Forecast Shirt

Your cruise director will let you know about time, temperature, winds and other secondary items. For the most important forecast, you have this new funny cruise shirt. Your chances of drinking aren't directly stated on this shirt. For our crew, they may as well swap the order to 'drinking with a chance of cruising.'

#4 Cruise Forecast Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#3 Boat Stuff Funny Cruise Shirt

This is one of the funniest cruise shirts we've ever seen. We'd love to meet the creator to ask one simple question. What 'stuff' did you have in mind? Be prepared for your shpmates to ask this question. And please do let us know what YOU have in mind.

#3 Boat Stuff Funny Cruise Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#2 Drink Package Warning Shirt

This one is included on our list of 'funny cruise shirts that your wife will hate.' Some guys like to lock in the drink package before they've secured excursions, transportation, and even time off from work. This tee was made for those unsung heroes.

#2 Drink Package Warning Shirt
on Amazon
 

 
#1 Washy Washy Cruise Shirt

True cruisers know the 'washy washy' song. It's a 'viral' cruise sensation. Finally there's a tee shirt to commemorate the experience. Don't be surprised if you get serenaded by the cruise staff while wearing this.

#1 Washy Washy Cruise Shirt
on Amazon
 

If you want a bit more fun shopping for your upcoming vacation, please check out our 29 Cruise Packing Essentials to add value and convenience to your trip. There, you'll find all kinds of must have items for your cabin, port, and preparation at home.

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